going to have to start making some hard decisions..

so dustin and i are both up for orders..dustin in novemeber, and me in april. dustin got orders to san diego, and i will be getting orders there also..that's a good thing cause we will be both stationed in san diego..the bad thing is that we both will be going on deployments. so we have to leave jaxson behind with his grandma lela because she will be the closes relative..and yes mom i know you won't be to happy about that, but it's better that jaxson stays in san diego so when dustin is in port or i am we can easily see him. i would love to have him in arizona but thats so far away for me not to be able to see him for two years. it breaks my heart knowing that for the next two years i will be like a memory to him coming and going. i am greatfull for the year i will get to spend with him but that's not enough. i wish i had waited 4 yrs to have him..don't get me wrong i love him so much, but being in the navy makes it so much harder to be the mom i want to be to him. and i hope someday he will understand and forgive me for missing out on two years of his life. but i know heavenly father put him in mine and dustin's life for a reason..still trying to figure that one out. i just hope there is away for me to be able to stay on shore with him..i will be praying up a storm...please keep me in your prayers too that some way this will all work out, one way or another..