Grandam Laverne

As I sit here and try to think about what I want to write about this wonderful woman I am at a lost for words. There is so much to say, she was such a loving, kind, strong, and inspirational person my life and others.  This wonderful women passed away on Mother's Day after fighting cancer since November,  she lived a wonderful 85 years.  I have so many memories of her that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Growing up in Coolidge and with cousins close, the cool thing to do when you were little was go over to Grandma's.  I remember coming home from church begging my mom can I go over to Grandma's, I remember plenty of trips to Diary Queen when it was still around and getting an ice cream cone.  Learning how to sew and making a small quilt for my dolls was always a fun experience, and that is the first time I sewed over my finger on one of the sewing machines, and ran my finger over with the iron.  She was so good about sending birthday cards, even when I had grown and moved away I still got a birthday card from her,  and my kids all have quilts that she made for them. As I have one as well and I seem to now have to sleep with it at night, as a way to have a constant reminder of her.  She was the mother to 7 kids (6 boys and 1 girl),  44 grandchildren and 63 great grandchildren, and more to come I am sure in the future. If that isn't an awesome legacy I don't know what else there could be, I miss her terribly and I am sure I am not the only one. But I know good bye is only temporary, and look forward to the day I get to hug her again.  She will be missed, but never forgotten.

This is how I feel or have always felt most of my life, like I never really fit in or fit the mold. I am not sure if it's from choices or decisions I have made thru out my life, but I feel like that no matter what I do or how hard I try to change people will only see me as the person I use to be. That I will always be the outcast or the screw up, I know you have only so many chances before people give up and I have plenty. I just wish there was a way for people to see the real me, but sadly i don't even know who that is any more. I am not even sure how to go about figuring that out, I have try to become what people and society expected me to do, a wife and mother, that I sort of lost my way int eh process of doing so.  I don't regret having kids of my own and wouldn't change it for the world, but there are days were I do want to give up because I feel like I am going to fail at, just like I have failed and given up on so many different things thru out my life. I am tired of feeling like this...I would rather feel like this:

Better late than never..

So this is technically a day late, but better late than never right,  yesterday was Father's Day and it got me thinking about the men in my life, my Dad and my own husband and how grateful I am to have both in my life.

Let me tell you about my dad, he is much taller than me; but I think that's a good thing because it just means how much I look up to him and always have. My Dad is the quiet type, and very supportive Dad, and will always let you know when you have done something wrong, but how to fix your mistakes. He was very supportive in my decision to join the Navy, and actually surprise that I made that choice in that point in time. I know without his support and my mom's I wouldn't have joined.  I learned a lot from him and continue to do so, I love how great of an example he is to myself and my brother's and sister's and my own kids. I am so proud that he and my mom are serving a mission and what a great blessing it is in their lives to be able to do that.

And than there is this guy:

My loving husband, without him we wouldn't have 3 beautiful and wonderful children, he is a good kind and gentle dad. He is still young but learning and he has the example of my Dad to look towards. That's what I love most about my husband is how much he loves and respects my own Dad and of course his. I am so grateful to have both of them in my life and how much they have impacted my life.

Happy Father's Day Dad and Dustin I love you both.

Kenzie

Shake